When the relationship changes, the season isn’t over. Here’s how we became co-captains for our kids—and the five rules we run every day.
Why this episode:
We didn’t pick divorce to be “right.” We picked our kids to be okay. In this conversation, Jeff (my ex-husband and friend) and I share the small, repeatable plays that turned us from spouses into teammates.
Our Playbook (the 5 rules)
Kids-First Offense — If a decision helps our kids thrive, it wins. Period.
Huddle in Private — We can disagree, but we do it off-mic. In front of the kids, we run the same play.
Respect = Home Field — Speak about each other with respect (especially to the kids). No cheap shots.
Informed Support — “Addiction is not a decision.” Learn, support, and choose language that heals.
Launch the Rookies — We encouraged out-of-state schools and independence. Growth over comfort.
Favorite moments
“My number one goal wasn’t to save our marriage—it was to make sure our kids had a mom forever.” — Jeff
“You don’t have to be right. Put the kids first.” — Jeff
“Disagree in private. Align in front of the kids.” — Danielle
If you’re in the messy middle…I get it. I have been there and I see you.
Start with one rule: kids first. Then add the huddle rule. The rest gets easier from there.
Links & resources mentioned
Elizabeth Vargas, Between Breaths (for loved ones of someone struggling with addiction)
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review – it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
xo, Danielle
